Why in the world did Scott Marshall go crazy sharing scripture? Praying on social media, proclaiming his religious views. What is going on?

I know it was extreme the last few days but let me explain. One, I promise I am not off my rocker. Two, no I am not trying out for the next tv evangelist program. I struggle, just like everyone else. And when we struggle we get to certain breaking points where we just want the pain, agony or frustration to go away. We want answers.

My current struggles led me to a pastor and his wife in an effort to seek counsel. This by itself is far out of my character. I have always considered myself strong willed and able to overcome challenges. But the situation was far more powerful than my ability to find a solution. So I sat down with these folks and did not hear what I wanted to hear. I wanted blame for another, explanation for my own actions and remedies to make everything whole again. Instead I heard “You need to get right with Jesus.” Come to church, read the Word, and pray. I literally walked out feeling like my intent to get help was turned into a church recruitment interview. But, I took a leap of faith and attended the service the following Sunday.

I have attended several churches over the years and I never really felt compelled by it. But this sermon hit home. The way the pastor explained things in relation to our struggles today started becoming clear. So I went home and I started reading, researching and eventually praying. I have continued to attend every service I can, speak with the pastor often and continue to read and research. I have taken the time to turn off Netflix and turn on Pureflix and watched movies, many true stories about people in faith.

Last week something overcame me. I literally sat in my living room and cried like a baby. I muttered my confusion and frustrations to God. And as I did I felt an odd comfort. Just enough to be noticeable because neither the hurt not the anxiety went away. So no major miracle, just a sensation that overcame me. As I reflected on what I was experiencing I opened my phone and installed a bible prayer app. The first verse talked of forgiveness. A message I kept hearing at the church, and in the movies I watched and in the verses I read. So I said it out loud…I forgive them! That was the ticket. Something felt good.

But faith in God seemed easier than faith in myself. I needed to test the confidence I was feeling. I needed to see if I could pass my own test of humility. So contrary to the awkwardness of it all for me I posted. I posted the feelings I was experiencing of God rewarding me for taking notice. See I was saved when I was 17 followed by baptism later that year. Two years later I was divorced, found the beer bottle and turned my back on the God I was just getting to know. I spent the next 30 years ignoring that poking and prodding in my head and heart that I was missing something. I didn’t want to admit it. I was trying to just live my life and have fun. I regret that now.

So that first post, followed by several more over a 3 days period was myself testing my own faith. In 30 years I did not share my faith, I didn’t pray around others and especially with others. It felt corny. I literally kept God in a closet for 30 years. I needed to know this was real by stepping outside my comfort zone and sharing with others. I knew I was risking losing friends, losing customers, being laughed at and called fake (which has already occurred). But to validate the feeling I was experiencing it was worth the risk. And yes! I feel I am re-entering God’s grace. I feel His presence. And I believe that He will get me through these storms. Don’t get me wrong, I am still me. I still feel awkward with the posts but for me I am testing my faith and the wonderful part is I have received comments and messages not only lifting my confidence but also thanking me for inspiring. How awesome is that?!

I realize we all have struggles of our own. We simply want peace and most of the time answers. I do believe God answers those prayers but I also understand that I am but a mere man with little understanding beyond our wordly views. So the answers may not be what I desire but they will be the answers I need. For now it still feels strange to me but if you see me out and about, or at my store, or even through chat or text I would pray with you. I am not ashamed and I proclaim Jesus as my Saviour. Does this mean all my problems are washed away? Highly unlikely. But now I know I am on a path more important than my wordly expectations. I will continue to work hard and if I fall I will just get back up and go again until the journey ends. One day I believe I will be reunited with my loved ones through a spiritual body that I cannot begin to understand. So the struggles of this world are now just part of the journey for me and will be used to strengthen my faith in God.

I am so thankful for of the uplifting words as well as those who have refrained from the negative as I know some feel that way. I am still the person you know, the person you socialize with and the person you do business with. I just have a fresh outlook on life and a whole new attitude. Find a church if you haven’t already. Congregate with others seeking the same answers you have. You will not regret it.

Heavenly Father please bless those that have read this testimony. Bless those that appreciate the encouragement as well as those that doubt.

Amen