Ever wonder what the pecking order is in the family according to the Bible? It’s a question that strikes at the heart of how we prioritize our lives, especially in a world that loves to mix things up. We’ve got opinions flying around like confetti, but when we want to ground ourselves in truth, there’s only one place to look: God’s Word. The Bible is pretty clear on who comes first, and it might just surprise you—or give you that gentle nudge you didn’t know you needed.
1. God Comes First
This shouldn’t come as a shocker. God doesn’t just get first place; He IS first place. Matthew 6:33 lays it out perfectly: “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” Everything starts here. Before anything else, God is your priority. Your relationship with Him sets the tone for every other relationship in your life. It’s like building a house—the foundation comes first. If you mess that up, it doesn’t matter how fancy the rest of the house looks; it’s coming down.
Putting God first isn’t about squeezing in a quick prayer before bed or dusting off your Bible once a week. It’s about living in constant connection with Him, letting His Word guide every decision. When God is truly first, your actions, words, and even your priorities shift naturally in line with His will.
2. Your Spouse Comes Next
Here’s where a lot of people start to get it twisted. After God, your spouse comes next. Yep, not your kids, not your job, not even your ministry—your spouse. Ephesians 5:25 tells husbands, “Love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” And let’s not forget, wives are called to respect their husbands (Ephesians 5:33). It’s a two-way street.
Marriage is the primary human relationship ordained by God. It’s a covenant, a picture of Christ and the Church, and it demands priority. Putting your spouse second after God isn’t about neglecting your kids; it’s about modeling a healthy, godly relationship. Your kids will thank you for it when they see what real love looks like. They don’t need perfect parents; they need parents who put God and each other first.
3. Your Children Come Next
Now, let’s talk about the little ones. Kids are a blessing from the Lord (Psalm 127:3), and it’s our job to train them up in the way they should go (Proverbs 22:6). But here’s the deal—your kids aren’t meant to be the center of your universe. They’re meant to be raised, taught, and then released. If you put them above your spouse, you’ll end up with a marriage that’s been running on fumes for years by the time they leave the nest.
Loving your kids means giving them the gift of seeing their parents love God and each other first. It’s showing them what a healthy, functioning family looks like, one where God is the foundation, and mom and dad are unified in purpose and love. It’s the best way to set them up for success in their own future relationships.
4. Extended Family and Friends
Once God, your spouse, and your kids are in order, then comes extended family—parents, siblings, and friends. These relationships are important, no doubt, but they don’t get to dictate your marriage or your household. The Bible says a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh (Genesis 2:24). It’s a new family unit with new priorities.
Sure, honor your parents, love your siblings, and cherish your friends, but never at the expense of the hierarchy God has set up. Your immediate family comes first, and that’s how it should be.
5. Work, Ministry, and Everything Else
Here’s a curveball: your job, your ministry, and all those extra commitments come after your family. You’re called to provide for your family (1 Timothy 5:8), and serving in ministry is a beautiful calling, but neither should replace the roles of God, spouse, and children in your life.
Your work and ministry should complement your family, not compete with it. You’re no good to anyone if you burn out at work or in ministry and have nothing left for your loved ones. Balance is key, and God’s order is the ultimate guide.
Getting the hierarchy right isn’t just about knowing it in your head; it’s about living it out daily. It’s about making tough choices, saying “no” to the things that threaten to knock your priorities out of place, and keeping God at the center of it all. This is God’s design for the family, and when we follow it, everything else starts to fall into place.