I wish I had taken the time to understand scripture sooner. I wish I had paid more attention to the “nagging” questions that I would ignore regarding my purpose and God’s intent. I wish I had known more so that I could raise my kids knowing more. I fear those missed opportunities. But perhaps this moment in time is when I was meant to start understanding. Perhaps this is my moment in time to be the example that I wish I had always been. As I think about the things that I am coming to understand I wonder why some close to me avoid the conversation. Is it because they fear that they have to give up their personal desires and joys? Is it fear that they would have to face poor judgements in their life with more certainty and urgency? Perhaps it’s just that the thought of “religion” sounds boring and irrelevant to the day to day life. I know for a fact is is all of that and more. I lived it. But the thing I have come to realize is you do not give up your free will when you accept the reality of our creator and the truths of there being more than this wordly life. You can still do the things you enjoy. And those things that you enjoy that seem questionable are also still a choice but when you realize how short this life is and what is to come through God’s promise there is this compelling urge to not give into those desires. The point being is no Christian chooses on their own to turn from sin. When they truly desire everlasting life those things tend to seem less important and less desirous because you are no longer alone in those decisions.
Tonight at our men’s ministry bible study the pastor talked in depth about who the Holy Spirit is and how to know His presence. As he provided examples I felt a moment of weakness as I reflected on some of my own experiences the last few days. For instance, my wife and I disagreed about something yesterday. I was upset and angry. We had to go separate ways at that time so she attempted to kiss me and I pulled away and got in my vehicle to drive away. I was still pretty upset driving down the road but all of a sudden I felt this guilt and shame for my reaction. Although I was still at odds with the situation I felt more at odds with my own behaviour. I believe this is an example of the holy spirit weighing on my soul. See I am coming to understand that having Jesus Christ as Lord of your life has nothing to do with the theatrics, traditions or denominationally specific teachings of any particular church but rather it is a relationship with our creator. A relationship that comes with a gift of guidance and protection. He is with us always and we simply need to acknowledge, accept Him and rely on his word for direction.
I am so thankful that I am coming to understand things more clearly every day and certainly recognize that there is much more to know. But the essence of it all is that God has a plan laid out for all of us and it does not mean that you do not get to enjoy those things in your life that bring you joy. The part of His plan that is exciting is to know that whether I had a great day or a horrible day they are but a moment in time that will mean very little when my time here is done so long as I stay faithful to our Lord and Saviour.
Like I said back in October when I first started sharing my journey I am far from an expert on scripture. But I am trying to learn and understand because I have come to realize how important and how urgent it is. And it is that urgency that I feel compelled to share with others. You matter. This I know for certain…if Jesus Christ is not Lord of your life He is waiting for you. But please do not keep him waiting as we are not promised tomorrow.
Lord thank you for the gift of life. Thank you for the opportunity to enjoy those around us and the beauty of your creation. Thank you for allowing the Holy Spirit to be within us as part of our soul so that we may please you. Thank you for the sacrifice of your son to bear the cross for our sins. And thank you for the promise of everlasting life. I pray that all those I care for recognize truth and that when I leave this world I will see them again. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
